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November 13, 2004
Of Trains and Feminists
Robert L. Dabny recounts this humorous story from the late 1800s:
A solitary female entered a car where every seat was occupied, and the conductor closed the door upon her and departed. She looked in vain for a seat, and at last appealed to an elderly man near her to know if he whould not "surrender his seat to a lady." He, it seems, was somewhat a humorist, and answered: "I will surrender it cheerfully, Madam, as I always do, but will beg leave first to ask a civil question. Are you an advocate of the modern theory of women's rights?" Bridling up with intense energy, she replied, "Yes, sir, emphatically; I let you know that it is my glory to be devoted to that noble cause." "Very well, Madam," said he, "then the case is altered: You may stand up like the rest of us men, until you can get a seat for yourself."
~R. L. Dabney
Excerpted from Robert Lewis Dabney: The Prophet Speaks, edited by D.W. Phillips
That story always makes me smile, because it is so true. However, my policy is not affected by it. Since most every woman today is a feminist in some way or another, it would do no use to act in such a manner. To do so would alienate you from society. Back in the 1800s, people knew what humor was, but now they are sensitive in the extreme, and the effect of such a jibe would be lost on them.
Instead, I hold to my steady course of treating all women with dignity and respect. The fact is, no women, no matter how feminist or ultra independent she is, loves to be treated like a lady. Some years ago, the ancient and venerable duty of the man to open the door for the woman was all but forgotten, and if not forgotten, eviscerated by the new surge of independence in women. I was taught by my dad however, and I shall stick to my duty as long as I live.
I find it clearly amusing and satisfactory when approaching a door nearly the same time as a women, that although she approaches with an independent air, and a face saying "Don't touch me because I can fend for myself" , the minute I stand aside, and hold the door open for her with a sligh inclination of the head, she changes. The haughty look is replaced with one of female delight and wonder, the chin holds itself in a perky pose of sweet thankfullness, the eyes twinkle in gratitude, and as she sweeps by in her newly found mantle of respect and veneration, she is transformed by just one small instance of repect. Her cheeks flush, she steps lightly, and her thank you is very heartful, if not tinged with a trace of surprise and admiration.
No woman, no matter how independent she is, can resist the delight that awakens in her bosom when a man steps out of his way for her. It is the living and true testimony that feminisim is a lie. It makes her something special and someone respected. It rekindles that age old dignity and gentility that marks her as the flower of man's existence.
And that's what makes it all worth it.
Posted by Grant at November 13, 2004 03:42 PM
Comments
All lovely and true, Grant.
This is not necessarily something I often think about; but now that you bring it up, I can count with less than five fingers the number of guys I know (outside of Dad, Josh, and Grandpa) who would open doors for a lady. It is our own fault, the result of women falling for the ideas of feminism. Obviously, we are able to open doors for ourselves, but... still... :) It is nice to be cared for in little things. To be made special and important, as you said. :)
And then, this reminds me of a time our family spent a day in Duluth, and Mom and I got separated from Dad, and we were trying to get into a busy building but kept being edged out, until a young man stepped forward. Of course we thought he was going to walk through himself like the others, but he stood there patiently waiting for us to realize that he was holding the door for us! We were surprised, and yes, such an act of respect is still recalled many years later.
Bless your father for teaching you, and bless you for sticking to your duty! :)
Posted by: Sarah at November 14, 2004 05:48 PM
What a wonderful remembrance! I'm so glad you and your mother were able to be blessed with the age old respect that is so lacking these days. Something to cherish, as the world heads faster and faster for total rudeness.
Posted by: Grant at November 15, 2004 01:46 PM
This is so true! Its sad that I, as a female, have to be surprised when a gentleman does, what I was taught when I was younger, what is his duty and more than that his priviledge. It brings sorrow to my heart to live in a world where feminism reigns to the extreme to the point where, in most cases, chivalry is not only dead and burried, but dug up again and beaten some more.
On the happier side, it is truly a blessing when I encounter someone who is a gentleman, and who makes me feel special. Some of the guys i know laugh, because I 'train' them that they are to hold the door open for me (or any lady) and let me pass first, not so I can be snobbish, or stick my nose up in the air, or be better than them, but because I know in my heart that in the end they will also derive pleasure from knowing that they have dutifully carried out the responsibilities that they earn with the title of gentleman.
Like I've said, I was raised to expect that, but now I take it more as a happy surprise. I miss the days when there were more young men like Grant, who were willing to be gracious and gentlemanly.
Posted by: Beth at November 27, 2004 07:07 PM